Where words fail, music speaks

Sometimes it takes separation for people to realize how much they actually loved a person. But for those two to reunite again takes courage; courage to let down that guard and be vulnerable. If you love the person that you let get away, and it’s not too late, put that guard down and let down your pride. We only live life once, might as well take that chance even if you look like an idiot.

When you’re secretly planning something pretty amazing for someone but all you get in return is silence makes all the effort seem pointless. Doesn’t seem worthy to go literally out of your way. So tired of everyone making me feel like nothing better than the scum underneath nasty old shoes. Doesn’t matter what I’ve done or haven’t done, I don’t deserve to be treated like crap. No one does. Goodbye, world. I’m done talking to people that don’t care.

Sometimes it becomes too much effort to keep friendships when it becomes one-sided. Time to stop trying. Makes me sad that I can count my friends on one hand these days. Guess this was how is was meant to be. Seems like change is fairly popular these days in my life… Hmm..

Sometimes as life gets harder, there is something that is thrown your way to show/prove to you that life works in mysterious ways. Never would have thought for this to happen… Actually the last thing I would have ever imagined. Though, this has made me realize to appreciate how close people live to you. Take advantage of the opportunites right in front of your face.

Life amazes me.

My sleeping brain begins to swell. With memories of the past that I miss, Going back to that first, simple kiss.

My dream paints a picture of us, Happy together. Fresh. Easy. Just us. Looking back to what went wrong, I think I’ll need more bars to this song.

I just want to hold you hand, Soft, smooth, like fertile land. I’ll never let go of what we had, Thoughts of you make me happy and sad.

Please, never wake me, It’s no one else I want to see. After tonight I can tell, Dreams make reality look like hell.

• anonymous.

I’ve realized while sleeping that many people think I’m a fairly popular person. This, my friends, is not true. I mean, yeah, I know a few people in Davis, but I don’t really care, as mean as that sounds. I’ve realized that I’m 100% fine with having a few really good friends over these few hundred people that claim to be my friend. I’m good knowing I can count my besties on almost one hand, definitely two. I can name them all, but to save hearts I won’t. You know who you are. And if you have to question it, odds are you aren’t. My besties know who they are. And I love you guys very much. You make my days become filled with joy when they aren’t going as well as I’d hope. I love you guys to death. Whether you’re in America, across the pond, or no longer with us, you guys have made an impact in my life and I thank you or that. You’ve made me become this person that I am today and you take me with flaws and all. From the very bottom of my heart, I thank and love you all. Couldn’t have painted/imagined a better set of people to befriend in this life of mine. You’re all amazing in different unique ways and it’s simply fantastic. You make me feel like I’m living in a dream.

I wanna go home. :( I miss Tarke and Leanne. I miss my brothers. I miss my dad. I miss my Grammy. I miss my doggies. Happiness isn’t where I thought it was… Realizations are setting in. People have lost faith in me; what gives me faith in myself? Gotta start digging deep if I plan on continuing on with or without the beliefs of others. Utah countdown has begun.

Tattoo time is almost here! Too excited to sit still. More (free) tattoos=happy Stephanieeeee! 

I hate it when there is only one thing on your mind and you can’t get rid of it. It doesn’t matter what you do, doesn’t matter how hard you try to ignore your mind, that one single thought continuously comes back into your mind. Over. And over.

I really want to clean out my friends list on Facebook but I know if I do, I’ll only hurt feelings. This makes for a hard decision making. Le sigh…

I need to hurry up and get my hammy hamster. I miss my old pets… :(

I think it’s time to finally move on. It’s really, really, REALLY hard to move on, but there isn’t anything else I can do. I’ve given it my all, I’ve given everything I am capable of giving and if it’s not enough, then I don’t know what is. And I’m okay with that. Moving on and change aren’t always on my to-do list, because I’m not a fan of either, but I have to do what I have to do.

I’m remembering my roomies and it makes me miss them oh so much. I miss my omae, too. :(

I wish I could get everything that lies on my shoulders, flick them off and live worry free. It’s so hard to try and not give a care in the world and just let go. I haven’t in awhile. There is always something on my mind. ALWAYS.

I hate it when TOM comes around and I break out. Ugh. gross.

I miss my family. I cannot wait to see them during spring break. I love them to death and as sucky as things are going on in CA, things in Utah seem to be amazing. I just wanna be there right now with them. Be able to watch my little brother grow up. I want to be silly with my older brother again like we used to. I want to be young again.

I love Justin Nozuka, Missy Higgins, Brandi Carlile, and Kings of Leon. They might be my all time favorite artists. Oh, can’t forget about Taeyang. Me loves him, too. (And if Leanne is reading this, no, Leanne. Not because he’s Asian.)

I love the wind! It’s so windy this fine morning. I can’t wait to get outside. :)

I’ll leave you all with this song that has been on repeat on my iPod:

“All of these lines across my face,

tell you the story of who I am,

so many stories of where I’ve been,

and now I got to where I am.

But these stories don’t mean anything,

when you got no one to tell them to.

It’s true, I was made for you.

I climbed across the mountain tops,

traveled across the mountain blue, 

I cross over lines and I break all the rules,

and baby I broke them all for you.

Oh because even when I was flat broke,

you made me feel like a million bucks, 

You do, I was made for you.

You see the smile that’s on my mouth,

it’s hiding the words that don’t come out,

all of the friends who think I’m blessed,

they don’t know I’m in this mess.

All of these lines across my face,

tell you the story of who I am,

so many stories of where I’ve been,

and now I got to where I am.

Oh but these stories don’t mean anything,

when you got no one to tell them to.

It’s true, I was made for you.

Oh yeah, and it’s true that I was made for you.”

Brandi Carlile- The Story

“Boys frustrate me. I hate all their indirect messages, I hate game playing. Do you like me or don’t you? Just tell me so I can get over you.” -Kirsten Dunst